Masquerade

It's been a long time since I blog here....many things happened...many thing I learned...and there are many things i want to forget.

The man that i thought to be the one...was a only but a dream...a dream that will stay in my heart forever...A dream which I'd always wish every time I see stars, moon or even sun in the sky. I became so foolish in loving him...in expecting a happily ever after...and now,I'm here crying at the back of everyone and being the brave one who don't forgives in front of them.

The pain didn't fade away until now..no medicine, laugh or stories can heal it. And his last explanations telling me that his feelings are only a "INFATUATION"...."Sa tingin ko nawawala na yung feelings ko" and " Wala na sigurong pag-asa".....Those are the words and phrases resound and resound all over my mind. Its like pulling my energy away from my body. I want to hurt him..to curse him...to hate him but....why? why? my heart tells me to love him??? Even he is not deserving...he is INSENSITIVE....LIER...SELFISH!!! I don't know what to do. Everytime I see him...there are mixed emotions inside me but I hide it...I hide it behind my walls because I'm afraid to be weak and to be hurt..

I never thought it will end in this way...also him..he told me that he want me to be his friend but I can't....it hurts a lot...VERRY HUURRTSS!!! I'm not ready to mingle with him...I'm afraid...I afraid to drown much deeper in to him.

I'm so very tired healing my heart....to wait him..to understand him.
I said to myself that I will not hope anymore..but why is there a little fire inside me telling to wish more...I want the answers...I want to find the one...the one who will love me...Please